Like most people, I have been consumed by the busyness of the holidays. Add that I’m completely unorganized and fly by the seat of my pants and you can imagine why I haven’t had time to post. Yes, excuses are like assholes, I know.
The past two days I have been online shopping for the Christmas presents I should have purchased by last week. I can’t be bothered by work requests. “If my order times out because I have to reply to this email… Back away from my desk and don’t you dare look over my shoulder.” I’m on a mission folks and I’m busy being busy.
There is nothing worse than shopping for someone when you have no idea what you are actually shopping for. You just wander aimlessly through the store hoping that something will jump out at you as if you are going to suddenly remember that this person needs the deluxe version of Scrabble or a Hillshire Farms meat log. Why do I even bother? I know as soon as I park my car- better yet as I’m driving to the store that I’m going to be completely unsuccessful. Thus, I have turned to online shopping. The Internet is smarter than the average shopper. You may Google “vintage jewelry” only to find out that you actually were looking for a GPS watch. “Did you mean navigational pedometer?” Why yes, I think I did. Google is a mind reader.
Last night I made some Christmas cookies. Actually, they probably are classified as “candy,” because they are shaped as balls. Peanut butter balls coated in chocolate almond bark and topped with colored round sprinkles. They taste like shit if you forget the sprinkles and you may as well just not show up to the party if you forgot the sprinkle topping. Peanut butter balls have been a staple of Christmas tradition in my house since I was a child. These balls are so coveted that the ball preparation becomes the main priority of the chef. Nothing can get in the way of perfecting and finishing each peanut butter ball…nothing. Case and point: As a child I fell down the basement stairs. I had tumbled down the stairs and landed on the hard, cold linoleum. Fearing I had lost feeling in my legs, my sister called to my mother for help. My mother was making peanut butter balls. She sent a message to “shake it off.” Afterall, her hands were greasy and she couldn’t let the almond bark dry.
I think this may be my best set of balls to date. They are sure to be a crowd pleaser at two holiday parties I am attending.
The funniest thing that has happened at work lately is I’m supervising three temps. These poor jobless people are making cold calls about a new set of services we are trying to whore out to unsuspecting business owners. I just showed up one day and was told they were reporting to me. It’s quite humorous to listen to myself attempt to explain the actual set of services we are selling. Just make your calls and don’t ask questions. If you’re good you can have a slice of the fruit cake some random old lady sent to our office.
